This article might help you focus on the situation that needs to be dealt with rather than wasting precious mental energy on inner criticism, unhelpful comparisons and general negativity.
As a life coach and executive coach, I often help people who are in difficult situations and who come to me for guidance with the best way to get through the situation. Sounds like you? It’s all good, there are ways to help you deal with it. Life will throw you curve balls and difficult situations to deal with and it’s all about how you view the situation and respond to it.
Before we can look at the problem and focus our brain power on solutions, we need to turn around any negative perceptions people have of themselves and the situation. If we don’t do that, then precious mental resources will continue to be used up with inner criticism and unhelpful comparisons with their friends and family. This is a waste of time and stops people from coming up with good solutions.
It’s very easy when we’re going through less-than-ideal situations to mentally compare ourselves to friends and people we know who seem to have everything together and give ourselves a hard time because things are not so good for us right now. Is this helpful? No it’s not. The helpful thing to do for you right now is to realise that we’re all different, and each and every one of us is here to create our own lives and achieve different goals. (Really if we were all meant to be the same then we would have been all created the same.) Thank goodness, there is so much variety in this world in people, making life so much more interesting – each one of us has different backgrounds, personality styles, beliefs, skills, desires and knowledge. And believe it or not, everyone goes through problems and challenges.
Just imagine if we were all the same, we’d all be applying for the same job, have exactly the same interests and we would want to be with the same partner – resulting in extreme competition, chaos and boredom! And guess what? Everyone one of us has challenging and negative times – it’s how we respond to it that makes the difference.
Often, in our quest for resolving the problem we are facing, we turn to family and friends to give us ideas and suggestions. And that’s very important. It helps when we talk about problems and share the discomfort and pain we’re going through. But it’s also important to remember that all we’re doing is getting advice, it doesn’t mean it’s right for us or that we have to use it. At the end of the day, we gather the information from different people to help us come up with a solution and then we decide, as the creator of our lives, what we take on board. What has suited your friends in similar situations may not suit you. Because they are different from you. And they have their own personal perspective on the situation which may be totally irrelevant. All you need to do is gather the relevant bits of advice that suits your situation, put it together with information you’ve gathered from other sources and use that to help you come up with a suitable and workable solution for you.
You are the one who has lived your life all these years, you are the one who has the most interest in doing well and you are the authority on yourself. So back yourself in doing what suits you best.
In my next article I will take you through some ways to help you make a decision.